Why Being a Leader Sucks

…and no, this isn’t just a catchy title where I say “It sucks to feel so good!”. No, I wouldn’t play you like that. I truly mean that being a leader has some pretty s#!&ty aspects of it. Sometimes just naming it, acknowledging it and learning to cope is the best approach. Let’s not beat around the bush and dive right into it. 

Much like a plugged toilet, all of the crap stops at the top

Need to make cuts to hours because the budget bootstraps are tightening? Agree or not, that message is yours to deliver and support.

Has your supervisor passed some critical feedback of staff along to you, and wants you to address it with them (even if you know this staff person has never had a similar situation before)? Looks like you’re in for a ‘close the door behind you’ kind of chat.

Staff planning a fun going-away party during work time that violates company policy? Well I hope you put your party pooper pants on today because it’s time to rain on some parades.  

Situations where, in the past, you may have been quick to let things slide or allow someone else to deliver the grim news, you’re it, you’re the boss. Being in the driver’s seat means that sometimes you decide where you and the team are going and sometimes you are following the map that you were handed - but either way you’re in control of the vehicle and your passengers will expect you to remain steadfast. 

You are the one who has to live within your values and ‘go first’ (I promise, you will get sick of that phrase after a while). Avoiding the responsibility doesn’t save you – there will be people in the wings watching to see how you handle things. And even with the ones you think you are helping by turning a blind eye will end up critical of the decisions you make. Because you were willing to compromise your morals to be popular – like a parent that tries to be their kids’ friend by letting an 8-year-old watch R-rated movies late at night. All you end up with is a lack of respect, unclear expectations, and an irrational fear of sewer drains.   

People are watching you all the time

Being a leader doesn’t stop when you clock out for the day, leaders get few “timeout” locations.

One specific memory I have is attending a craft beer exhibition with my husband and friends, and I was having a great time. To be clear - this was a Saturday evening, long after work hours had finished, and took place 30 minutes away from the facility I was working at. Yet after a large number of 2oz beer samples and a few Shotski’s later, I ran into two of my staff. Panic ensued, and I instantly felt like a 16-year-old trying to hide the fact I had been drinking from my parents. While I can’t confirm or deny how sober I acted, I’m assuming I’m no Meryl Streep and my glossed-over eyes said more than my slow, slurred speech ever could. 

The point is, I had every reason to cut loose after a long week. I didn’t break any laws, nor did I say anything completely inappropriate that would have ruined my career. Yet these two staff saw a side of me that I didn’t intend to show that night. Could it endear me more as a “regular” person who has fun like everyone else? Maybe. Could it also spread like wildfire around the office that I spend my weekends getting more trashed than Oscar the Grouch? You bet. 

When you live in the same general area as you work (most of us do), you are bound to have some encounters with staff every now and then. The point is, control the narrative.  You don’t have to live in fear, but recognize that as the leader, you WILL be a topic of conversation - for better or worse. 

You are held to a higher standard

It’s not fair, but it’s also not going to change so you might as well just get used to it. People expect you to be impeccable with your word, noble in your actions, and forgiving in your heart. Do they remember the time they accidentally included you on the email with the subject line “Re: New Boss’ Facelift Fund”, or the time they got caught calling in sick because (and I quote) “Marshmallow dropped such sick beats at the concert last night, I am still feeling ill this morning and can’t make my opening shift”? Of course not. But as the leader, you must remain morally sound. 

You are still a person

At times, you may feel like nothing more than a company employee number, a punching bag, a therapist, or a peon. There was a day my staff were being so mean to me I cried in my car for 20 minutes in the parking lot before driving home. I doubt that was the intent of (most of) those staff, and I bet if they knew they likely would have behaved differently. We know you’re a person who has days that you are frustrated, hungry, apathetic, sad, tired, or even disgustingly optimistic. But direct reports forget that leaders are people and get caught up with their own feelings and needs - and there is no way to make that entirely go away.

Quick Tips to Make Leadership Suck Less

• Take the time to build rapport with people. The most valuable 10 minutes you can put in during the day are when you chat with staff about things that they are passionate about: their families, their favourite sports teams or the home renovation project they were working on over the weekend. Showing staff you care about them as people and not just as employees (and being genuine about it) means they might see you as a person and not just a supervisor. Eventually (and quicker than you think), you will start noticing that you are looped into potential problems proactively before they devolve into chaos. Look at you, you are leading!

• In the end, try to let go of what you can’t control and turn that energy around to bettering yourself, strengthening your resolve to ‘go first’ and demonstrate the type of behaviour you hope others will replicate

• Dolly Parton once said, “Find out who you are and do it on purpose.”* Knowing what your values are and how they look in action will help you leaps and bounds in situations where people look for your reaction (or lack thereof) to understand your character. Take some time to really dive into values and narrow it down to 3-5 you hold above the others as important for you. Need help? Let us know and we can get you and your team started down the right path

You could spin this blog post around and say “Why being a leader helps you be a better person”, but I promised you I wouldn’t do that. There are thousands of articles that can talk about the benefits of leadership for both the leader and the… leadee? Leadite? Either way, that’s an important positive spin to put on all of this. But to shirk the downsides wouldn’t be fair, honest, kind, or empathetic.

* Disclaimer: I assume that’s a real Dolly quote? At least that’s who Mandy Moore’s character from the classic 2002 Mandy Moore movie “A Walk To Remember” attributes it to. As someone who was in their teenage prime during the Nicholas Sparks movie era, that entire movie script is basically burned in my head.