Leading with Curiosity
“We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour"
Stephen Covey, The Speed of Trust, 2008
Let that quote sink in for a second. I think you’ll find it painfully true. I sure did.
But how can we better learn about the intentions of others when all we can see is their behaviour?
By being curious.
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Leading with curiosity is about being genuinely interested in the ‘why’. It is assuming the best intentions while caring about the other person’s experience. This could refer to a work-related process, a behaviour (positive or negative) or an attitude/feeling. It helps us move away from our biases towards a place of understanding by providing context.
Let’s play this one out for a second, shall we? A co-worker is seemingly skirting the rules and is always trading away their Saturday shifts which are notoriously hectic and emotionally exhausting. You, as one of their Saturday co-workers, are frustrated.
What could your mental model tell you?
they are doing this because they don’t want to deal with the crap that goes down
they prefer a Monday-Friday schedule
they aren’t a team player; they’re leaving it all on me
What questions might you ask to learn more about the intentions behind the shift changes?
I’ve noticed you aren’t around recently on weekends; is everything okay?
How can we, as your Saturday team, support you? How might you support us?
What could we do to solve this problem so everyone is comfortable with the outcome?
Possibilities of how your mental model could have been incorrect:
Work zone hiring/training may require them to swap their shifts for a number of weeks
Individual may be uncomfortable with emergency processes/first aids, etc and not feel comfortable enough to ask for help
Short-term personal life conflict that has been pre-discussed with their direct supervisors such as childcare challenges or unmovable family medical/therapy appointment
Or, your mental model was correct and the door is now open for a deeper conversation about the impact it has on others they may not realize
It is important to note the link that curiosity has to empathy. By asking open-ended questions, we are agreeing to listen. We want to hear what is going on to learn, not to judge. It is in the dialogue of ‘serve and return’ – asking and listening back and forth with others – that a deeper understanding of both actions and feelings can occur.
